Like any other week day, I was heading to my office in an
auto. But that morning was different and
disappointing at the same time. The auto driver of my auto seemed little
disturbed. There was something shady
about the auto driver which I somehow smelled. I think he was not happy with
the routes which I suggested him to take
due to peak timing traffic. For what he was blabbering something and giving me tough
looks. For sometimes I resisted. Seeing no help I took out earphones from my bag and tried to avoid the
situation. I saw he was still saying something. After 20 minutes or more I
realized he was actually saying something to me. As soon as I removed my
earphones, he started talking to me. He started sharing the reason of his grumpy mood. According to him, his wife was the reason for his bad mood. They had
an argument over some household things the previous night which made him frenzy the
next morning. At first I thought why is he discussing these things with me? As
I was already getting late for my office and I had no interest in his talks I didn’t pay much attention to his married life quarrel stories till the time he said that he whacked his wife in the morning
because she did not prepare tea for him
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| Image: taken from Google just for depiction |
.I was completely shattered hearing this statement. Further he
added ‘madam in villages it is common
scenario', everyone raise their hands on wives. We have grown up seeing this and I don’t have patience to see that she
is not serving me tea in the morning. Listening all these I became impatient.
Now I was more attentive and wanted to hear more of this. He was so cool about saying
all these as if these are daily activities, you know like we eat food or
drink water. I mean the guy who was merely 23 and his wife 21 as he said
,married for one year are up to this. He was so positive about what he was saying
that he obviously can’t see any flaw in his action. He exclaimed that there is a huge difference in couples(married) of cities and villages. According to him couples in
city stays with affection but the scenario in villages are completely different
and people are used to it. Hearing all these it occurred to me that –did raising
hands on his wife solved the problem? I asked him the same. He had no answer. It
meant obviously not. My mind was fraught with questions for him at that time.
But somehow I refrained. It does not made me stop thinking about the society we
live in, where we have grown up seeing and believing that the man who earns
money and who is physically powerful than woman has the right to overpower them by using their hands.
This is another ugly face of domestic violence. The problem with this kind of violence is that women in our society has accepted that domestic violence is inseparable part of married
life. Financial dependence of wives on their husbands has tied their hands not
to defend them.They keep on suffering and eventually they get used to it. It is
quite distressing that the situation is getting worse and will continue if we
won’t speak up. It is important to change the way we think. It is the mindset
that we have built that suppresses women and gives men the freedom not to think
twice before doing ill-treatment.It is imperative to change that mindset that persist or else we will land nowhere.
Till that long auto ride I realised that you do not need to
be literate to treat your spouse well. So, the issue doesn’t lie with you
belonging from any city or village. Mistreatment or a better word 'domestic violence' does not solve any of the problems.
Now, let me be clear to you, I’m not a Misandrist, I just want
to scream louder to make you listen that respect,not because she is woman but because she is human.
5 comments:
Awesome piece Galaxy.
According to an estimates on domestic violence In India for the year 2014, 118,000 domestic violence cases are reported annually. It is only a guess that probably same or even more does not reach the paper. What's needed is more dialogue about this topic, so that we can understand it's nuisances better. A good write-up on this topic and aim to explore the personal drive behind such shameful acts.
The women breaking out of the mold though may seem like an old idea, but it only crystallized in the 1960s, when “The Feminine Mystique,” a book written by Betty Friedan, an American freelance writer, gave voice to the suppression that women had been put through for thousands of years. The book explored the life of an American housewife and expectations from her, which, if you observe closely, are not much different from Indian house wives and women, including silent, uncontested acceptance of abuse and violence. Domestic violence that your auto driver talked about is a worldwide phenomenon that only a woman like Betty, who vociferously and repeatedly talked about in her writings, can challenge. I see a hint of Betty in your writing. However, it is in nascent stage, where you are just acknowledging its existence. Should you learn to take it to a stage where you understand the dynamics of suppression and challenge it at its roots, it will be a voice to reckon with. Peace out!
Nevertheless it is an old idea, the thought which stunned me is that people have accepted it in a positive way. The driver himself was comfortable in sharing his degraded deed and he is completely blind. He cannot see any flaw in it. Unfortunately there are many like auto driver who does not even know that this is shameful. Unless you know your deeds,nothing can change.
P.S.- Please mention your name while you comment. Comments are welcome.
There is a term called banality of evil, which basically means an evil behavior normalized by the society. Though it was said in different context, this analogy perfectly tells why the auto driver nonchalantly narrated his abominable act. And he was shameless about it because he has never been questioned; a couple more head-to-head confrontation will make him hesitant. This is what is required, question social structures, hierarchies, religion, custom and culture, if you want change.
This being said, have you ever wondered what is the source of this uninhibited misogyny?
P.S. aksar log naam mn bahut kuch dhund lete hai, and I believe if I reveal my identity, it will prove to be a barrier for dialogue and idea exchange. My identify is not important but ideas. However, it is unfair for me to know yours, you not knowing mine, thus you can call me thepuppyvoice.
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